Somewhere In Between
November 11, 2024
Writer: Sydney Holzman
Editor: Zoe Gellert
We were driving in our rental car along the highway in Tenerife–a place I didn’t know existed mere weeks ago. I was with my two best friends from college, a high school friend, and his friend who got roped into our trip 48 hours before departure. My roommate, Skylar, posed a question to the group: if you could go back to any time in your life, which would you choose?
This sparked a lengthy conversation with Thomas reminiscing on high school memories while Jack, a complete stranger to me only hours earlier, recounted his life experiences. Skylar and Laurel contributed a scramble of Tulane highlights that were impossible to sift through amid our contagious laughter. The commonality through each of our stories was an abundance of positivity. Somewhere between memories of our senior prom and the second night of freshman year Mardi Gras, my mind returned to the original question: if I could go back, would I?
As a profoundly nostalgic person, the opportunity to relive my favorite memories would have been irresistible just a few months ago. Elementary school snow days, the sixth-grade Halloween dance, Thanksgiving of 2016, my middle school graduation, every Fourth of July, the entirety of my senior year of high school, Crawfest sophomore year, or a rainy April day cuddled with my friends in a small bed with one shark blanket, a lingering scent of Pho, and an inability to stop giggling. I have a deep-rooted tendency to focus solely on the highs of my past, glossing over any accompanying stress or sadness as if they never existed.
I occasionally find myself scrolling through old videos or reading past messages, envious of my former self, who was blissfully unaware of the hidden expiration dates on experiences and relationships so integral to her life. I forget to remind myself that my younger self was just as unaware of the relationships and experiences that were to come, enriching her life beyond what she believed possible. There is a sweetness in sentimentality, but too much nostalgia can become a dangerous trap, blinding us to the infinite goodness in the present.
Studying abroad has been instrumental in shifting my perspective and, consequently, my answer to Skylar’s question. The truth is we are unreliable narrators of our histories, inclined to remember the good while conveniently forgetting the bad. It is an innate human habit that is equal parts endearing and complicated. In the present, we’re quick to focus on the negative and slow to appreciate the positive, yet the opposite seems true in retrospect.
But the reality is that there’s nowhere I would rather be than crammed at 7 a.m. in a too-small rental car with a broken door and no windshield wiper fluid on an hour-long drive from the Airbnb we accidentally booked in a remote fishing village. I am surrounded by one new friend, one old friend, and two I met sometime in between who have become family through our shared abroad experience. Unconventional as it is, to me, it’s perfect.
Each day will inevitably become a memory I will one day miss–unless I choose to savor it now, cherishing the present with the same joy I reserved for the past.
Loving life deeply enough to feel nostalgic is a rare privilege; still, an even greater one is recognizing that today’s moments deserve the same appreciation before they, too, join our collections of prized memories.